Meet Our January Woman Crush, Hobbies Over Him Creator Alese Adams
My TikTok algorithm knows I’m single! Every video I swipe up on has something to do with relationships and the constant battle about gender roles in them. However, one day, as I was doom-scrolling through the popular app, I came across this beauty here, Alese Adams. She was talking about a challenge she had created that turned into an online community/TikTok series called Hobbies Over Him. In this series, she tries a new hobby every week to help her decenter romantic relationships while doing new things in the process. So far, she’s volunteered her time at her local women’s shelter called Mother to Mother, wrote a poem, started gardening, and even took a dance class.
As I browsed through her page, my curiosity about this group grew, and I wanted to know more about what sparked the creation of this community. So I reached out! I’ve loved reading about Alese’s journey and how she is growing in what can be somewhat of a cumbersome season.
Tell us About Yourself!
I am a part-time content creator who loves all things girly! I have a ton of hobbies, including reading, writing, learning new languages, and creating art of all kinds. I graduated from Vanderbilt University a year ago and consider myself to still be fresh on the adult job market (unfortunately, lol).
How did the creation of Hobbies Over Him come about, and what is your intention with the group?
I started Hobbies Over Him through an organic search to fill my time after going through the worst breakup of my life. Through a lot of introspection, I discovered that I only started that relationship out of boredom and decided that using romance as a hobby was too emotionally strenuous. I made a list of hobbies I wanted to try in 2023 as part of my vision PowerPoint (I had too many goals for just a board!), and a lot of women related to my story.
“I felt led to nurture a community and give resources to women who have experienced the particular misery of the boredom to heartbreak pipeline.”
What has your singleness journey taught you about yourself and how you view relationships?
Singleness has taught me that I do not know myself deeply. I viewed relationships as my life. I was subconsciously living like my life would only begin once I found THE ONE. I was completely ready to mold into whatever he (this great mystery man whom we have yet to find) would like. I am putting God and myself back in the center of my life where we belong!
What are ways that you build your confidence and self-esteem?
I am working on self-intimacy. My definition of that is the deep knowing of one’s self and loving everything that one comes to know. I could not like myself because I did not know myself. Once I got to know myself (with Jesus), it was easy! I’m quite likable!
How do you deal with loneliness?
I have the most amazing support system in my friends (sisters, really) and family one has ever seen. Sadly enough, I was too busy counting the lack of male validation to fully appreciate it. I realized that I was not really alone. I was surrounded by love. However, when I start to want that old thang back, I rely on my therapist.
In your opinion, what is the most important thing for single women to do for themselves during this season of their lives?
GET SOME HOBBIES! Like seriously. Get busy. A lot of relationships and situationships are born from boredom. Having hobbies is like having a Swiss Army knife for all forms of love. You spend more time with yourself, so you fall in love with you. You spend more time with other women who share your hobbies, so you find community. And you don’t have time to be talking to men you barely know for hours on end everyday so you don’t fall in love with them (your love literally has nowhere else to go otherwise). It’s a win-win-win!!
Are there ever any moments that you’ve lost hope when it comes to finding a partner? If so, how did you cope?
I am trying now to detach my hope from having a partner. Not that I don’t want one in the future, because I do. But I realize I was putting my hope in that instead of my hope in a happy and fulfilled life for just me. When I was given this life, I wasn’t given a romantic partner to also control. It was just me. And my hopes and dreams should concern me. I also feel that once I learn more about myself, the right one will just be there, and we’ll work at love slowly in our own way. Or maybe not. But I’m first and foremost!
What words of wisdom do you wish to share with other Single Women?
There is so much more to life than romance. I promise you. I know it feels like that’s all there is, but the precious life you have been given is precious because it’s yours. It’s not only precious when it’s shared with a lover.
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