Meet Our October Woman Crush: SJ Martins
Social media has done it again — It has helped me connect with another amazing woman that is doing some pretty dope things! SJ and I met via instagram and had an incredible IG live discussion about the different norms when it comes to UK vs. US dating. She is a vibrant spirit that helps women evolve their soul, self and style with her coaching program called Soulselfstyle.
I am thrilled to be featuring her this month and love learning about what she is doing across the pond!
Tell us About Yourself!
I’m a 40 something Londoner, doing what I can to create my best life and loving the adventure…
I’m a coach supporting other women who are adulting solo to explore or evolve their soul, self and style, so that life feels lighter and more fulfilling.
Alongside this I work as a Project Partner for two wonderful women led brands, which serve society and culture. I love the combination of hats I wear for work - being autonomous in my own business and enjoying the benefits of bouncing off others in partnership.
Watch our IG live discussion — Continue Reading Below
What do you feel your singleness journey has taught you?
Navigating the world solo for most of my adult life has shaped the way I view and do everything. It’s gifted me time to learn myself, be myself and grow myself in a way I think would’ve been impossible had I settled down with someone in my early 30s as I so desperately wanted to!
I guess ultimately it’s taught me that life will never be predictable and that ‘I got this!’ regardless.
What do you think is a common misconception about being single?
That we’re all sad and hate every minute of it! The truth is, there are loads of benefits of being single. This is why I’m always urging my clients and IG fam to make the most of it while they can! The grass is different, not greener.
And, how much sex we have - I find people assume we’re either having wild sex with strangers every weekend or are celibate and frustrated, when in reality there’s a whole spectrum going on and navigating the landscape safely is A LOT.
What inspired you to start your coaching business?
My own journey. I got a coach before coaching was a thing, and working with her really accelerated my progress through change.
And then the huge shift within me, going from feeling left on the shelf to (mostly!) loving life, I knew I could help other women who were struggling with similar circumstances.
Most of my clients, like myself, would like to meet someone, fall in love and do the healthy, happy couple thing - however, a joy of the job is to witness the penny drop in terms of what a relationship can offer and what we can offer ourselves. Finding a man slides down the priority list when life is already ticking most of the boxes. And, you’re gonna attract better options when you’re being, doing and feeling your best.
How do you practice self - love?
My key ingredients for self love are awareness, compassion and discipline. In practice this looks like…
Awareness: being honest with myself, feeling all the feels and doing what I can to understand them.
Compassion: being my own best friend and giving myself what I need in any given moment, whether that be a pedicure or a pep talk!
Discipline: blending kindness and accountability to set (and stick to!) the intentions and boundaries I know will support me to grow into who I want to be and experience the life I aspire to.
What words of wisdom do you wish to share with other Single Women?
Jump off the shelf! Don’t wait on a partner to live your life fully. Putting things on hold for when you’re boo’d up is not smart…
Let’s imagine we could predict you’ve got another year of being single and there are two options:
1. Enjoying the time as much as possible while it lasts
2. Living in the waiting room of love.
It’s a no brainer - you don’t need to know how long this chapter will be, you just need to make the most of it!
