4 Ways to Break Free from People-Pleasing Behaviors
People pleasers are known to do whatever it takes to make others happy. It is a learned behavior that stems from a deep need to bring happiness to others at the expense of one's happiness. It can be a debilitating and harmful act that can cause mental health issues and leave one riddled with fear, guilt, and endless amounts of stress. Additionally, people-pleasing can taint one's self-image and cause one's self-esteem to plummet because the pressure to avoid disappointing others can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
I want to address that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be kind, helpful, and mindful of others' emotions. The problem lies when there is an imbalance when one is constantly trying to please others while denying their own needs during the process.
So, how does one break free from the vicious people-pleasing cycle and learn to put their needs first? Before we dive into actionable steps, let us take a closer look at how the pattern forms.
What Causes the Need for Women to Want to People Please?
As mentioned, people-pleasing is a learned behavior that can stem from childhood trauma, struggling to set boundaries, and the inability to say NO! It can also come from self-esteem issues and the fear of rejection. It’s a behavior that many women have learned from a young age due to how society has groomed us.
Breaking the cycle starts with taking action and requires one to focus on themselves and build confidence. You can still set healthy boundaries and love yourself while maintaining beautiful and healthy relationships with those around you.
Steps to Take to Break Free from the Need to Please Others
Unlearning behaviors is never an easy task. It can be hard to disagree with others if you are afraid of being disliked and worried that others will get upset. Relearning your values and building the confidence to boldly express your feelings and beliefs can and will take time. Here are some actionable steps that you can take to help you release from people-pleasing tendencies.
Learn How to Say No
NO was the favorite word to many of us growing up. When we didn't want to share with others, we screamed NO. When we didn't like being aggressively kissed by older family members, we shouted NO. And many of us were taught that saying NO at a young age was considered rude and unpleasant, so we took that lesson into adulthood. However, healthy relationships begin with learning how to say NO.
You can not pour from an empty cup, and when you need to take time to fill up your cup, NO needs to become your favorite word (again). You can not and should not try to be everything to others and neglect yourself in the process. Continuously saying yes to everyone, and everything can lead to burnout, causing you to be and feel overwhelmed and exhausted. If you continue to say Yes to others you will have to sacrifice saying Yes to yourself. So what are you willing to give up?
Work on Setting Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries and communicating those boundaries can help those around you know your limits. I go deeper into this topic in another blog post, How to Practice Self-Love by Setting Healthy Boundaries. You can express your boundaries with kindness so that people can work to avoid crossing them. It can be scary, but those who love and care about you will support you and your needs.
Respect Your Time
If you’re finding it hard to say NO, try delaying the Yes. If someone asks something of you, offer to get back to them after you've thought about it. Asking for time allows you to evaluate your schedule and help you to see if you can take on the task without overexerting yourself.
Work on Your Self-Esteem
A large portion of people-pleasing is rooted in low self-esteem and the need to be validated by others around you. Engaging in self-esteem-boosting activities can allow you to focus on your strengths and your accomplishments and what makes you authentically you. Recite affirmations and write in a journal about what you like about yourself. Learn to be kind to yourself and work on giving yourself grace.
These small actionable steps can help you build self-worth and assist you with prioritizing your needs while causing those dreadful people-pleasing inclinations to dissolve away. Being true to yourself will start attracting you to the right people who love and support you.
References
https://theswaddle.com/why-people-pleasing-is-a-common-human-instinct/
https://www.healthline.com/health/people-pleaser
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/people-pleasing
https://psychcentral.com/health/tips-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser#tips
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-women-pressured-into-unhealthy-people-pleasing/
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