Are You Being Love Bombed? How to Recognize Emotional Manipulation
Ah, love! What an extravagant feeling! The butterflies you get when you see someone, to the uncontrollable blush that warms your face when in their presence. These are common experiences many of us have had when we start to establish romantic feelings for others, but if we aren’t careful, these feelings can cloud our judgment and cause us to become blind to recognizing emotionally manipulative individuals and tactics.
According to licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, "Love bombing is characterized by excessive attention, admiration, and affection with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person.". Love bombers tend to gain control early on in relationships by performing over-the-top gestures, pushing for physical intimacy too quickly, and introducing you to important people very early on in the relationship.
When it comes to dating as single women, we must look out for these tactics to keep ourselves protected. Additionally, it is crucial that we do some self-reflection to make sure that we aren’t the ones doing the love-bombing. So, here are a few things to look out for when dating and how to recognize when you’re being love-bombed and emotionally manipulated.
Commitment Early On
Everyone’s pace is different. Some parties may mutually agree to move faster than others and that is just fine, but when one party wants to move at an abnormally accelerated pace the red flag alert should be going off. Saying '“I love you” too quickly and pressuring you to move in as soon as possible are signs that you are in the beginning stages of an unhealthy relationship with a love bomber. Real love takes time, and if you and your partner take the necessary time to get to know one another on a deeper level, you both can determine whether or not you two are ready to take those committed steps together.
Push Physical Intimacy Too Soon
Now, I want to be clear that you are entitled to make whatever decision you want regarding physical intimacy. It’s your body and I am in no way telling you what to do with it. However, this is directed at those interested in more of an emotional connection than a physical one, you should be cautious about having physical intimacy too soon because it can cause a false sense of intimacy altogether. In the podcast “Being Her”, Margarita Nazarenko explains that “the moment you sleep with a person — as women, it solidifies, like a freeze-frame, like a picture, like something you take a snapshot of the relationship as it currently stands.”. She then goes on to explain that the amount of effort that person takes to get to sleep with you is the amount of effort they will maintain. Be clear about your comfort level and your boundaries. When in a relationship with a mature and understanding individual, they will respect them.
Therapist Reveals How to Stop Others From Manipulating You | Nedra Glover Tawwab on Women of Impact
Outrageously Lavish Gifts
According to Dr. Raghavan, “Showering new partners with presents is a common way for love bombers to exert influence.” This gesture helps them to manipulate the environment and bring one to believe they are the perfect partner. Although all gift-giving isn’t bad, it’s the over-the-top lavish gifts too soon into a relationship that should cause concern. Unfortunately, because current media trends have been displaying these gestures as the representation of romance it has become the standard idea of what love looks like.
Word Wizarding
Word wizarding is how I describe the act of purposefully using deeply meaningful and committed language to cause others to create a false sense of hope. For example, I once had a hinge interaction tell me that he wanted to build with me without meeting me in person and only communicating with me for less than two weeks. I was immediately turned off! Although building a relationship with someone is the goal, it is not something I am interested in doing with a complete and total stranger, nor is it something I would state so early on. Getting to that stage takes time and in my opinion, shouldn’t be declared before any face-to-face interaction or before any meaningful deep discussions have taken place.
Words have power, and powerful words can be strategically used to emotionally manipulate others, that’s why it is so important to practice detachment! If you are someone who gets easily attached certain words can trigger you into imagining a future with others. STOP! DON’T DO THAT! Allow people’s actions to show you who they truly are.
Hogging All of Your Time & Attention
I am sure that we have all experienced the honeymoon stage of a new relationship when all we want to do is spend time with the other person. It's a fun and exhilarating moment! However, when one party wants all of your time and attention, intentionally keeping you isolated and distracted from your purpose, it can be problematic. Healthy relationships have balance, and it is vital to have other friendships, hobbies, and goals outside of your romantic relationship so that enmeshment doesn’t form.
Lastly, don’t forget to use and follow your gut. Sometimes our brains can’t process everything and our feelings/emotions are useful indicators that can help guide us. Remember to take your time when it comes to dating and be present in the moment by listening and observing words and actions.
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