Do You Know Your Attachment Style? Here’s How to Find Out Which Attachment Style You Have
As adults, our interpersonal relationships are characterized by varying attachment styles. An interpersonal relationship is a connection (whether social or affiliation) shared between two or more people. This relationship can be shared between friends, family, partners, or coworkers.
The four main adult attachment styles include anxious, disorganized, secure, and avoidant.
Attachment styles are said to first generate from a parent and child relationship. This is where the primary source of social and emotional development is developed. Based on your attachment style with your parents it is often transferred to your adult relationships on a psychological level.
As you continue reading you will learn about the different attachment styles and how to create secure attachments in interpersonal relationships.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Your attachment style in a relationship speaks to how you relate to others; meaning how they emotionally interact and behave with others in a relationship.
The four main adult attachments as earlier expressed are classed within two groups secure and insecure attachments.
Secure Attachment Style
This attachment style is seen as having the ability to form secure and genuine love bonds with others in relationships. The person who is securely attached in relationships is able to trust, love, and form healthy relationships with self and others.
Individuals who are securely attached are not intimidated by intimacy. They are also able to understand when their significant other may need time for themselves without becoming anxious.
Dependence is achieved in their relationships while still being able to be independent. Secure attachment styles in relationships are attainable and are said to represent at least 50% of the adult population.
Insecure Attachment Styles
Avoidant – This attachment style is ridiculed by a fear of being intimate. These individuals have an innate fear of getting close to others and trusting them. In essence, relationships cause avoidants to feel boxed in and uncomfortable. Thus, these individuals tend to be emotionally disconnected and incapable of being or displaying dependence.
Fearful-Avoidant – This attachment style is a mixture of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Therefore, these individuals tend to want and avoid the attention of their significant other at the same time. There is a desire for a sincere love relationship but fear of becoming romantically attached to a relationship.
Anxious – This attachment style is defined by a serious fear of abandonment. These individuals display a great degree of insecurity in their relationships. Anxious attachment paints their relationships with worry and fear of their significant other leaving. Thus, there is always a need for affirmation and feelings of validation. The partner in this relationship is never able to display enough love and care to sustain the other.
How To Achieve More Secure Attachments in Our Interpersonal Relationships
Developing secure attachments in relationships starts with learning about yourself. Becoming more secure means parenting your adult self and providing the needs that you didn’t receive as a child.
Here are some quick steps to kick-start your secure attachment journey.
Start journaling and working on a relationship with yourself.
Improve self-esteem and self-respect
Practice self-care
Become verbal about your emotions in a healthful manner
Rely on family and friends for support
Be willing to learn
Separate yourself from toxic relationships.
Final Thoughts
Though insecure attachment styles are formed during your childhood, it is never too late to implement steps to form and develop secure attachments in your interpersonal relationships.
