A Single Mothers' Guide to Self-Care: How I Recharge as a Single Mother of 3
Photo courtesy of Rachelle Jones
Today’s society and influences of social media will have you feeling as though self-care is some grand finale end to a day, week, or moment in time. Self-care for me, is taking the intentional time out for yourself. That is all. Rather this is something small or something big, I make it intentional. I tend to find myself creating a lot of small moments and spaces for myself. I am intentional in doing so and being a single mother of 3 beautiful little beings, it isn’t easy. Taking small moments to take care of your heart, mind and soul are so vital.
Let me break down what a week looks like for me. First, let me inform you that I have one middle schooler (wooo middle school is a beast in itself) and two elementary age children. I clock in for my workday at 6am to get the kids up. I drop off the younger two by 7:15am, and head back home to grab the eldest and have her off to school by 8:15/8:30am. I do this because having two daughters try to share a bathroom and get ready simultaneously is ludicrous. I grew up with two sisters, so I know far too well. Breaking up the bathroom time just works better. Next, I head back home to finish out my workday. I work in Human Resources, so yes you do the math on how my day goes for work. By 2:30pm I am heading to grab the younger two, listen to their days, and wait until 4pm to grab their sister. Now by 5:30pm I have their brother off to baseball, while I practice volleyball and cheer with the girls. This is most days. I’m home by 7:30/8pm with showers, dinner and homework somewhere in between all of this and I’m in bed by 9:30pm. As you can see there is a lot of gray area as to how I fit all of this in a weekday. This doesn’t include coaching, mentoring, and two games every Saturday for two out of the 3 kids. With everything us single mothers have to juggle — many question “How can a busy and in demand single mother of 3 fit self-care in?” My answer to this is simple, I just do.
I got rid of the idea that to practice self-care it needs to be these grand moments full of pampering, spa trips and big ole “come to Jesus” moments. It is the opposite of that for me. Working from home I have the flexibility of working anywhere which allows me to create these spaces. Every Sunday during my devotion and self-reflection time, I write about moments that’s happened during the past week. I write this with intention. It is in these small moments that I take the time to reflect on what I want my next week to possibility look like.
My trips to the coffee shop, gym, or walks with the kids have become grounds for solitude and stillness.
If you are like myself with a million and one things to do— keep your yacht rowing (because boat seems to basic 😉). I have figured out what works for me, journaling is the key to my self-care moments as it allows me the space for vulnerability in a way that doesn’t have to be shared and it helps me keep my schedule organized. My kids pay such great attention to me, to the point that they bought me the self-centered journal I am currently using from Target. There’s a space for daily reflection, how you are feeling, gratitude, self-care, what went well and what could have been better. You see, this allows me the opportunity to hit all things that fill me up. I can show gratitude for all things good, while giving grace and mercy to myself, and setting out my wishes in order to manifest the week that I desire. It is a moment of grounding which has been so prevalent in my self-care routine these days.
My trips to the coffee shop, gym, or walks with the kids have become grounds for solitude and stillness. If I can fit in a hour trip to the coffee bar instead of a quick pick up, I make the time. This looks like me going in, ordering my coffee, and sitting down to think, release and write. This is the same habit I try to create at the gym. Places we do not normally think of when we consider self-care and that realistic routine. We don’t think of these small moments that allow us the space to think and be in tune with ourselves kid free. You must figure out and not lose sight of you as a woman first. Your needs, wishes, goals and dreams.
For me to find balance I had to know myself internally and not outward.
Bath time for this mama, happens maybe once a week when I have a little bit more free time at the end of the day.
Other than that, it’s those showers where you’re thinking about all you have to still do every night. It’s those quiet check ins with myself as I sit with the candles lit and my tea by my side. I know, I know, wine seems far better, but in my intentional disconnect time, I try to drink calming tea to ensure I am in clear and calm thoughts. Journaling isn’t always me staying connected, it in times consist of me writing out our schedules for the week, a grocery list, but doing this while unflustered, is mentally checking yourself and keeping a clear mind.
Giving myself grace, mercy, and room to not be perfect is the biggest mental and emotional self-care pivots I can make. I had to learn this. I am having to intentionally apply the space for it and it has kept this mama of three, grounded in so many moments of uproar. As long as you take care of what’s inside, your heart, mind and soul, you can conquer the world one day— with your littles—at a time as your highest self.
Happy Mother’s day to all the single mama’s figuring out themselves while guiding little people into beautiful adults.
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